So before you go was there some things I could’ve said to make your heart beat better ?

She was born & brought up in a upper middle class family. She was learned to read & write Bengali (Native language) & english. (primary education). Not only that she was also beautiful in look or by nature she was also learned to sing through harmonium. She used to sing songs when her father played violin .. Everything was perfect until…..

Until she got married beacause of one of her sister’s misdeeds… her title changed from bose to mitra.But the man he got married was also too good to be said in words .But she was too young & that family was big. She was given the duty to handle the whole family .But she started to handle the whole family slowly. Her mother- in -law really loved her & wouldn’t eat until she cooked for her. Another daughter- in- law of her mother in law was envious of her until her death. But that’s not a big deal she got used to it …

After some years a baby girl was born but she couldn’t live more . I guess same happened to another son .. She had 3 sons & 1 daughter (total 4 ). One day her dad said to her husband to take a qaurter to live with her wife & her children. But he can’t live his family his mother & brothers . Because whole family was then dependent on him and he love them very much . So he told her father- in- law that he couldn’t leave his family & deny his duty towards them. After some days or years or months (I exactly don’t know ) he got ill . (He worked very hard each day & didn’t care about his health) When he was examined by doctor it was then found that he has cancer last stage . And soon he died !

Now she all alone have to protect & brought up her children. Though another brother of her husband had job & helped sometimes her family.. THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH . ( Her father was not alive then I guess ) So , he decided to seize her gold ornaments that she had , instead she get money every month . In this way she started to brought up her children. On that time here in India a widow wears a white sari & eat only veg.So she had to, no exception for her. She was a simple human being that’s why sometimes she got fooled .. some people (I don’t know) take some of her ornaments & didn’t gave her that amount of money what she deserved .And due to pyria she had no teeth at all.

This wasn’t enough so her brother sent her middle son to a “moth”/ mission of another city , eldest of her son got her father’s work… After some time the last one also had to go to work. Their education also get incomplete. Her daughter started handling their family with every aspect in absence of them & finally completed her graduation.

Flashback : In mid-time one day a huge accident occur to her daughter when she was little & got admitted into a hospital . Hospital wanted money & they didn’t have that much. So without any thinking she sold her ornament called ” Sitahar” to save her daughter. After 2 months or more than she got cured..

In this way many years had passed ,her sons & daughter are married & she has 1 grandson & 2 granddaughters. She has now almost a happy family. During this time whenever she got sick her daughter was always there for her. Her sons also take care of her .. Let’s not now get deep into it. Here comes the real & last struggle..

At the end of the last year( 2k20) during the lockdown period, She suddenly started to swelling.. her legs, hands, almost all body started to swell & liquid type started dropping from her hand . As her condition gets worse her daughter decided to for her check up to the nearby doctor, because she couldn’t walk ..on that time very well. On that area it’s really hard to get a good treatment. So many tests were done & medicines were given .. but nothing happened. She got cured for sometimes but no improvement at all . So she was decided to get into big hospital that was so far from her house. (The nearby ESI hospitals were closed on that time ) For the first few days it seems like she was improving . Each alternate day everyone has to go to take care of her ( As the ayahs were totally useless ) Most of the times her daughter & her son- in-law had to go . Her sons & daughter-in-law also went to visit her whenever they were free. Each & every day she told to everyone that She wants to go home .The nearby patients were good, we got news from them what was going on there.. All of us gave her assurance that as soon as she got well we’ll take her home . Endless tests had been done . Seeing her report doctors said that she had liver cirrhosis ! (Which is also a disease that can’t be cured )She had to only eat protein. But even when home made cooks were given .. she wouldn’t or you can say couldn’t eat much. So doctors decided to provide her protein through saline . Endless injection were put as they couldn’t find the channel . If they didn’t find channel on her hands they started channelling on her legs .After the endoscopy she couldn’t eat . Through the last week she lost her hope that she will be back home .. So she didn’t said anything about returning home when she got asked. I couldn’t say more it was terrible to see her in such a pain ! Her daughter had many times decided that she will bring her home right now . But it was told that it will be our responsibility if anything bad happens from the hospital & they didn’t agree with us .At that time a feed tube was attached to her through her nose.. it was really painful.

Two days before her death she was remembering her daughter by calling her name in sleep . Seeing this the nearby patient called her daughter they converse for a few minutes but words were not clear , (She started mumbling during that time ) On that day when her daughter asked if she is hungry or not she nodded like her stomach is full . So her daughter get some relief that day. Next day when she visit her she didn’t said any words . Only 2 times saw her daughter . .. Her daughter was worried for her from that night .. The next moring one of ayas called & said that patient’s condition is critical , come as soon as possible but don’t hurry. So they started their journey towards the hospital! Her daughter packed all her mother’s things & decided that she will bring her home today . But it was late….. when they reached she was no more . If they reached there just a few minutes they could’ve seen her for last time.

She died in front of doctor. When she was dying on that very moment she was heared Namabali , Gita slokes ( RadhaKrishna naam ).. She couldn’t bear this torture at this very age ..

She breathed last on saturday at noon 12.05 pm ,10th april . She came home but not alive … The whole story is dedicated to Jayabati Mitra ( my dida দিদা grandma ).

We all know that no can escape from Death . But I wish no-one have to bear these much pain during the last time when death is nearby .. If she died without suffering these much we didn’t have any regrets….

I have learned the value of time from this shaking incident. Time is not in our control . If I could known that I’ll see her on that day hospital .. .. .. I should spend there more time. My promises to her isn’t fulfilled.Now I’m feeling better by writing almost everything ….

Some memories:

She was really fond of my singing, she always feel proud when I passed exams with good marks. She loved to see Uttam Kumar’s movies . I love her most because she always wanted me to be independent not like other typical grandma who tell her granddaughter to be married.. She will be in our heart always.. There are so many memories of her but I think it has become a big,out of subject, unprofessional post .. So let’s end it here .I’m apologising if there are any mistakes in this post . Sorry for bothering.. Through this post I want to make her alive forever 🙂..

I was in dilemma whether I would post it or not .. But finally I’ve done it .Thank you everyone for reading !

Will miss you ❤
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29 Comments

  1. I think we are lucky to live in this era, where everything is easy, available, I know everyone finds it hard too but still. I think you did great by writing all this. You know may be, she wasn’t in pain, as she experienced everything from giving birth to 4 and handling a whole family at a small age, even enduring her husband’s death, I think she goes up there happily, after talking to her daughter on phone, and you said fellow patients were good. I can’t imagine how painful it could be, those injections and endoscopy but your dadi was a wonder woman, enduring everything whatever comes, so don’t worry about the pain, she would be happy up there. And this is great time right like, Navratri are considered ‘shubh’ hai na. Sorry for a long comment, I hope you all find peace soon,

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you Corrie for your concern!Ya , she was my grandma (mom’s mom) In bengali language we called ‘Dida’ instead of grandma ☺

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  2. You are very brave for relivung thus painful story abd for sharing it with us. I wish you warm memories of your Dida to carry you forward. Her strength and love will always be with you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is a lovely tribute to your Dida, you are very brave and special to share it with us. Your Dida sounds like she was a very strong lady having so many difficult challenges in her life. I am glad that you have lovely memories and the love you have and she had for you is beautiful. thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank-you for sharing her story. My own gran was very special to me.
    Newborn, I became the youngest of her children. My parents were married, but my mother wasn’t able to look after me. ( her story, not mine)
    Growing up with my grandmother as my mother was a privilege, and she loved music so much, could play and sing – She knew the skills of an older generation. When I was fourteen, she suffered terrible injuries, in a road accident. Brain damaged ( head injury, not dementia) she couldn’t remember even that my grandfather had died, or the names of some of her children. – but playing the piano and singing, all her musical ability had survived. No website yet, just my blog – and so much still to learn.

    Liked by 1 person

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